Eee! I’m so excited! I’ve finally started to make sketching a regular habit in my day-to-day routine. (It’s a habit that I’ve been meaning to cultivate for a long time).
Why? Because I was hoping that sketching would pacify the frenetic voice in my brain that is always yelling “Draw (paint) this! Draw that! And that over there, too! And WHOA!!!…wouldn’t THAT make a great art project?! What’s the matter, missy, can’t keep up?! Chop chop!”
It’s the exhilaration of finding everything I see to be just. so. darn. interesting, and wanting to give due attention to it all. It’s a blessing to see and feel this way — who doesn’t like feeling creative and inspired? But it can also be very crushing. I constantly have to remind myself not to get caught up in thinking that I actually can and must draw everything. And I have to discipline myself to focus on completing whatever serious art I’m working on (you know, like the bigger projects – commissions and my growing body of fine art paintings), even though my imagination has already moved on to the next 3 or 4 things that I want to paint.
So I started sketching more – while eating, while on the potty…(oops, too much information?…) – hoping that doing so would declutter my head and allow me to focus more on my serious art projects without feeling so hyped up on other ideas.
Well, what do you know? Sketching hasn’t stopped the madness. In fact, now, when I look around me, I see even MORE possible art projects. Sketching (as I’ve said before) increases my awareness of how interesting life is, so of course, my plan has only left me with eyes even bigger than they were before. It’s like that saying: “my eyes were bigger than my stomach” only in reference to visual snacks. So now I feel even more excited about making art, but also feel like I’m being pulled in a million different directions instead of a mere thousand.
So then I sat down to think about why it’s SOOO important to me that I get everything out there on the paper. Why do I feel awful when I don’t get around to creating things? And I stumbled upon this:
The desire I have to “draw it all” is really a desire to share and connect with people. I want to show you all how great things are, make you feel the greatness too, so you don’t miss it. It’s the same desire that makes me want to cook “all the things” for my husband, to make people laugh, and to understand whomever I’m conversing with.
And you feel it, too. It’s the desire that pulls you towards doing and saying what you think is meaningful. Maybe, like me, you sometimes feel selfish pursuing your creative dreams, fearing that what you contribute won’t be of value to the world, that it will just be a waste. BUT THAT’S WRONG. Things are never black and white. Creating is selfish and it’s not. Yeah, I get to revel in the joy of making stuff. And of COURSE I share my art with the hope that you give me compliments and make me feel like I’m doing good things. But that’s just the surface stuff. Deep down, it’s the sharing itself that I really come back for, over and over again. I want to give YOU things — things like awareness, beauty, and appreciation for the simple goodness that surrounds you. Making art, and feeling chronically angsty about making ALL of it, is at the core, just the unquenchable longing to connect with you. To understand and be understood.
So I’ll keep sketching, even though it didn’t serve the purpose I had hoped it would. And I’ll share some of my sketches from time to time because, even though they are nothing to brag about, they help achieve the goal that this whole crazy art making adventure is aimed towards: connecting, communicating, and giving.
AAAND I’ll keep feeling crazy over needing to make more…
…but that’s kind of a beautiful feeling, I decided.